Wednesday, 29 May 2013
Our heroes, Countess Ripya Korzetov and Professor Algernon Cholmondley-Warner advance up the temple steps at a walk, braving the bullets whistling past their heads. Algy is hit, staggers but stays upright with his health reduced to d6. Ripya makes her health checks. Ankh su Namun and Aard B’Astaard are content to stay where they are, shooting it out to give Mustapha Goat time to prise the giant ruby from the Buddha statue.
Amidst the hail storm of bullets, there are bound to be casualties. Aard B’Astaard, suffering wounds from the round before and now hit again by Ripya and ‘Barmy’ goes down, but he manages to take ‘Barmy’ down with him.
With great precision, Algy levels his revolver at Ankh, steadies himself, pulls the trigger……CLICK……pulls the trigger again…………CLICK……….”Buggeration, I could have sworn I reloaded!” The League of Quite Nasty People have played the ‘Out of Ammo’ card just at the crucial moment. Ankh is still unhurt.
Meanwhile down at the crates………………the plucky Gussie has been knocked down again, this time with a swipe around the head from the butt of Seldum’s Lee Enfield. Gussie swears to himself that if he makes it out of this lot alive, he’ll give up exploring and take up rose growing in his cottage in Surrey!
Things are going from bad to worse for the League of Quite Nasty People. Otto’s down and apparently dead, Captain Aard B’Astaard is down and bleeding profusely. ……..and now, as Mustapha is trying to extract the Eye of the Buddha with his penknife, he fails his peril test, is bitten by an irate scorpion and goes down as well. Ankh seizes the only opportunity left to her and rushes to take Mustapha’ place with her health now down to d6.
During the recovery phase the archaeologists have all the luck. ‘Barmy’ Fotheringay-Phipps climbs slowly to his feet feeling like he’s been run over by a rhino, but ready to play a straight bat to the wicket. Aard B’Astaard and Mustapha stay down and take no further part in the game. Dame Hilda Rumpole comes running up the steps to reinforce the archaeologists.
In the next turn the archaeologists feel that they are better placed to gun down Ankh in cold blood rather than to turn things into an unseemly brawl. Consequently, Dame Hilda, ‘Barmy’, Ripya and Algy empty their guns in her general direction! Amazing dice throwing results in Ankh still standing as if she has cast some sort of protective aura around herself. She goes on to pass her peril and random challenge with ease and the Eye of the Buddha is hers! The League of Quite Ordinary Archaeologists can only look on in astonishment. Will Ankh su Namun get away with the Eye even though her league is dying around her?
For the third time, Gussie Finknottle hauls himself to his feet, full of British pluck, only to be knocked straight back down again as a laughing Seldum Bin-Laid punches his lights out!
Seizing her moment with innate cunning, Ankh runs to the high wall of the temple and jumps off, clutching the Eye of the Buddha to her ample bosom. She passes the peril of the jump and is now within running distance of the edge of the board with one turn left. If she can only last…….
The League of Quite Ordinary Archaeologists run to the edge of the wall to see if Ankh survived the jump and are stunned to see her on her feet with the jewel in her hands, preparing to make a break for freedom. Their first impulse is to drop down on top of her but Ripya holds them back, “Niet, ve finish dis de vay it started” and with that she draws her Tokarev pistol and she and the rest of the league (with the exception of Gussie who is unconscious with a fractured skull) open fire on Ankh.
The result is inevitable as Ankh goes down in a veritable monsoon of lead, dropping the Eye of the Buddha as she falls to the ground, apparently riddled with bullets.
Algy and Hilda jump down and rush to help Gussie and incidentally, take possession of the stolen rocket pack hidden in the crates.
‘Barmy’ and Ripya also jump down and scoop up the Eye of the Buddha from where Ankh dropped it.
Whilst they are admiring their new-found treasures (+1 gear and +1 contacts), none of the League of Quite Ordinary Archaeologists notice Seldum Bin-Laid carrying off the unconscious form of Ankh su Namun. Will the League of Quite Nasty People live to fight another day? Will Gussie retire to Surrey and spend his days growing roses? Will Ankh su Namun succeed in reincarnating Dorstep? Will I write another game report? Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of men?
Love those Pulp Alley rules.
It’s 1933 and Ankh su Namun is seeking to reincarnate her lover, Dorstep, from the dead. Dorstep was executed by the then Pharaoh, Ramitin III in the 2nd century B.C. According to the Book of the Dead Ankh needs several artefacts to perform the ritual resurrection of her lover. She recruits some rather dodgy characters from the back streets of Alexandria to form the League of Quite Nasty People. Apparently one of the artefacts required is an enormous ruby which resides in a statue of Buddha serving as one of the statue’s eyes. In true original form, it is referred to as The Eye of the Buddha. An ancient document stolen from the Museum of Egyptian Antiquities in Cairo by Otto Einäugige points the League in the direction of British Honduras. So the League sets out………
Scene: sometime later in the steamy Honduran jungle.
The League of Quite Ordinary Archaeologists is exploring the Honduran jungle in the region of El Toy-Letdor, an area famed for its ancient Mayan temples. Although primarily a British expedition funded by the Bembridge Scholars, the League is led by the famous White Russian émigré, Countess Ripya Korzetov. Quite by chance, they stumble across an ancient Mayan temple and they decide to investigate….
The Eye of the Buddha, the main plot point…………….
By a strange coincidence which only script-writers can dream of, the League of Quite Nasty People is approaching the same location from a different direction! Ankh has now recruited a side-kick, Captain Aard B’Astaard picking him up in Port Royal after seeing him take on a mob of locals in a bar fight in the red light district. The rest of her allies are the aforementioned Otto Einäugige and Seldum Bin-Laid and Mustapha Goat.
The League of Quite Nasty People had the initiative at the start and forced the League of Quite Ordinary Archaeologists to activate first in order to divine their intentions. Doctor Gussie Finknottle made a dash for some interesting looking crates (stolen rocket pack) whilst Dame Hilda Rumpole went to investigate a pile of skulls (coded message). Countess Ripya Korzetov and her side-kick, Professor Algernon Cholmondley-Warner made straight for the temple. The Honourable ‘Barmy’ Fotheringay-Phipps moved off in a more easterly direction having sighted what looked like another archaeologist (drunken archaeologist with information) in the distance.
The League of Quite Nasty People also moved forward. Otto Einäugige went to look at a skull on a pole (crystal skull), Seldum Bin-Laid went west around the temple heading for the same wooden crates as Gussie Finknottle and Mustapha, Ankh and the Captain headed straight for the temple steps.
Neither of the opposing factions had actually spotted each other yet as the game moved into turn two. More fortune cards were drawn from the deck.
The League of Quite Nasty People still held the initiative and elected to activate first this turn having seen the other player’s intentions. Otto Einäugige stepped up to the skull on the pole and disturbed Porthidium nasutum hiding in the rocks at the foot of the pole. Otto failed to pass this peril (rolling double one!) and was bitten by the snake, more commonly known as the Hognose Viper.
Otto was down for this turn, writhing in agony at the foot of the crystal skull.
Ankh and the Captain moved forward at a run, straight up the temple steps followed by a puffing Mustapha who certainly was not used to this level of physical activity. Mustapha was instructed to retrieve the Eye of the Buddha from the statue whilst Ankh and Aard held off the archaelogists who they could now see heading towards them. They loosed off a shot each, but with the exertion of running up the steps their aim was off and both missed Ripya and Algy.
Seldum was also running towards the crates and Gussie Finknottle. Seeing that Gussie was in range he fired two shots from his Mark III Lee Enfield. Gussie was having as much luck as Otto with the dice and went down with two bullet wounds before he even had a chance to look inside the crates.
Dame Hilda cautiously put her hand into the pile of skulls, but not cautiously enough! As her hand touched the coded message, she set off a deadly needle trap which injected curare into her wrist. Dame Hilda was also down and in peril of her life.
Ripya and Algy walked to the foot of the steps to ensure a steadier aim and with the bonus for close range a hail of lead filled the air as they opened fire (Ripya was shooting 4d10+1 and Algy at 4d8+1!). ‘Barmy’ Fotheringay-Phipps had diverted from his original course and arrived at the temple from the east, getting off three shots from his service revolver at the Captain. The upshot of all this gunfire was that the Captain was hit several times but still standing (health reduced to d6) and Ankh, using her mystical powers made every health check!
During the recovery phase, Dame Hilda self-administered a hypodermic full of anti-curare serum (which she always carried in her handbag) and managed to stagger back to her feet. The indomitable Gussie Finknottle pulled himself upright bleeding from two wounds and prepared to re-join the fray. Otto was not so lucky. With no one on hand to suck out the snake venom he succumbed to the poison and was out of the game.
Seldum and Gussie were slogging it out over the crates containing the stolen rocket pack. Otto was apparently dead and Dame Hilda was trying to recover her wits. This left a furious gun fight on the temple itself whilst Mustapha, dodging bullets was now about to try and pry the Eye of the Buddha out of its socket.
To be continued…………………….
The secret rocket base is now under construction! Every megalomaniac should have a secret rocket base. I am making the first board in three modules (for ease of painting), although eventually they will all be joined together. The basis of the modules is some old polystyrene packing from my new chop saw. Later on there will be V2s, V1s and lots of guards for my Pulp Alley leagues to evade!
Here are some photos of the initial construction.
Here are some photos of the initial construction.