Our heroes, Countess Ripya Korzetov and Professor Algernon
Cholmondley-Warner advance up the temple steps at a walk, braving the bullets
whistling past their heads. Algy is hit, staggers but stays upright with his
health reduced to d6. Ripya makes her health checks. Ankh su Namun and Aard
B’Astaard are content to stay where they are, shooting it out to give Mustapha
Goat time to prise the giant ruby from the Buddha statue.
Amidst the hail storm of bullets, there are bound to be
casualties. Aard B’Astaard, suffering wounds from the round before and now hit
again by Ripya and ‘Barmy’ goes down, but he manages to take ‘Barmy’ down with
With great precision, Algy levels his revolver at Ankh,
steadies himself, pulls the trigger……CLICK……pulls the trigger
again…………CLICK……….”Buggeration, I could have sworn I reloaded!” The League of
Quite Nasty People have played the ‘Out of Ammo’ card just at the crucial
moment. Ankh is still unhurt.
Meanwhile down at the crates………………the plucky Gussie has been
knocked down again, this time with a swipe around the head from the butt of
Seldum’s Lee Enfield. Gussie swears to himself that if he makes it out of this
lot alive, he’ll give up exploring and take up rose growing in his cottage in
Things are going from bad to worse for the League of Quite
Nasty People. Otto’s down and apparently dead, Captain Aard B’Astaard is down
and bleeding profusely. ……..and now, as Mustapha is trying to extract the Eye
of the Buddha with his penknife, he fails his peril test, is bitten by an irate
scorpion and goes down as well. Ankh seizes the only opportunity left to her and
rushes to take Mustapha’ place with her health now down to d6.
During the recovery phase the archaeologists have all the
luck. ‘Barmy’ Fotheringay-Phipps climbs slowly to his feet feeling like he’s
been run over by a rhino, but ready to play a straight bat to the wicket. Aard
B’Astaard and Mustapha stay down and take no further part in the game. Dame
Hilda Rumpole comes running up the steps to reinforce the archaeologists.
In the next turn the archaeologists feel that they are
better placed to gun down Ankh in cold blood rather than to turn things into an
unseemly brawl. Consequently, Dame Hilda, ‘Barmy’, Ripya and Algy empty their
guns in her general direction! Amazing dice throwing results in Ankh still
standing as if she has cast some sort of protective aura around herself. She
goes on to pass her peril and random challenge with ease and the Eye of the
Buddha is hers! The League of Quite Ordinary Archaeologists can only look on in
astonishment. Will Ankh su Namun get away with the Eye even though her league
is dying around her?
For the third time, Gussie Finknottle hauls himself to his
feet, full of British pluck, only to be knocked straight back down again as a
laughing Seldum Bin-Laid punches his lights out!
Seizing her moment with innate cunning, Ankh runs to the
high wall of the temple and jumps off, clutching the Eye of the Buddha to her
ample bosom. She passes the peril of the jump and is now within running
distance of the edge of the board with one turn left. If she can only last…….
The League of Quite Ordinary Archaeologists run to the edge
of the wall to see if Ankh survived the jump and are stunned to see her on her
feet with the jewel in her hands, preparing to make a break for freedom. Their
first impulse is to drop down on top of her but Ripya holds them back, “Niet,
ve finish dis de vay it started” and with that she draws her Tokarev pistol and
she and the rest of the league (with the exception of Gussie who is unconscious
with a fractured skull) open fire on Ankh.
The result is inevitable as Ankh goes down in a veritable
monsoon of lead, dropping the Eye of the Buddha as she falls to the ground,
apparently riddled with bullets.
Algy and Hilda jump down and rush to help Gussie and incidentally,
take possession of the stolen rocket pack hidden in the crates.
‘Barmy’ and Ripya also jump down and scoop up the Eye of the
Buddha from where Ankh dropped it.
Whilst they are admiring their new-found treasures (+1 gear
and +1 contacts), none of the League of Quite Ordinary Archaeologists notice
Seldum Bin-Laid carrying off the unconscious form of Ankh su Namun. Will the
League of Quite Nasty People live to fight another day? Will Gussie retire to
Surrey and spend his days growing roses? Will Ankh su Namun succeed in
reincarnating Dorstep? Will I write another game report? Who knows what evil
lurks in the heart of men?
It’s 1933 and Ankh su Namun is seeking to reincarnate her
lover, Dorstep, from the dead. Dorstep was executed by the then Pharaoh,
Ramitin III in the 2nd century B.C. According to the Book of the Dead Ankh
needs several artefacts to perform the ritual resurrection of her lover. She
recruits some rather dodgy characters from the back streets of Alexandria to
form the League of Quite Nasty People. Apparently one of the artefacts required
is an enormous ruby which resides in a statue of Buddha serving as one of the statue’s
eyes. In true original form, it is referred to as The Eye of the Buddha. An
ancient document stolen from the Museum of Egyptian Antiquities in Cairo by
Otto Einäugige points the League in the direction of British Honduras. So the
League sets out………
Scene: sometime later in the steamy Honduran jungle.
The League of Quite Ordinary Archaeologists is exploring the
Honduran jungle in the region of El Toy-Letdor, an area famed for its ancient
Mayan temples. Although primarily a British expedition funded by the Bembridge
Scholars, the League is led by the famous White Russian émigré, Countess Ripya
Korzetov. Quite by chance, they stumble across an ancient Mayan temple and they
decide to investigate….
The Eye of the Buddha, the main plot point…………….
By a strange coincidence which only script-writers can dream
of, the League of Quite Nasty People is approaching the same location from a
different direction! Ankh has now recruited a side-kick, Captain Aard B’Astaard
picking him up in Port Royal after seeing him take on a mob of locals in a bar
fight in the red light district. The rest of her allies are the aforementioned
Otto Einäugige and Seldum Bin-Laid and Mustapha Goat.
The League of Quite Nasty People had the initiative at the
start and forced the League of Quite Ordinary Archaeologists to activate first
in order to divine their intentions. Doctor Gussie Finknottle made a dash for
some interesting looking crates (stolen rocket pack) whilst Dame Hilda Rumpole
went to investigate a pile of skulls (coded message). Countess Ripya Korzetov
and her side-kick, Professor Algernon Cholmondley-Warner made straight for the
temple. The Honourable ‘Barmy’ Fotheringay-Phipps moved off in a more easterly
direction having sighted what looked like another archaeologist (drunken
archaeologist with information) in the distance.
The League of Quite Nasty People also moved forward. Otto
Einäugige went to look at a skull on a pole (crystal skull), Seldum Bin-Laid
went west around the temple heading for the same wooden crates as Gussie
Finknottle and Mustapha, Ankh and the Captain headed straight for the temple
of the opposing factions had actually spotted each other yet as the game moved
into turn two. More fortune cards were drawn from the deck.
The League of Quite Nasty People still held the initiative
and elected to activate first this turn having seen the other player’s
intentions. Otto Einäugige stepped up to the skull on the pole and disturbed Porthidium
nasutum hiding in the rocks at the foot of the pole. Otto failed to pass this
peril (rolling double one!) and was bitten by the snake, more commonly known as
the Hognose Viper.
Otto was down for this turn, writhing in agony at the foot
of the crystal skull.
Ankh and the Captain moved forward at a run, straight up the
temple steps followed by a puffing Mustapha who certainly was not used to this
level of physical activity. Mustapha was instructed to retrieve the Eye of the
Buddha from the statue whilst Ankh and Aard held off the archaelogists who they
could now see heading towards them. They loosed off a shot each, but with the
exertion of running up the steps their aim was off and both missed Ripya and
Seldum was also running towards the crates and Gussie
Finknottle. Seeing that Gussie was in range he fired two shots from his Mark
III Lee Enfield. Gussie was having as much luck as Otto with the dice and went
down with two bullet wounds before he even had a chance to look inside the
Dame Hilda cautiously put her hand into the pile of skulls,
but not cautiously enough! As her hand touched the coded message, she set off a
deadly needle trap which injected curare into her wrist. Dame Hilda was also
down and in peril of her life.
Ripya and Algy walked to the foot of the steps to ensure a
steadier aim and with the bonus for close range a hail of lead filled the air
as they opened fire (Ripya was shooting 4d10+1 and Algy at 4d8+1!). ‘Barmy’
Fotheringay-Phipps had diverted from his original course and arrived at the
temple from the east, getting off three shots from his service revolver at the
Captain. The upshot of all this gunfire was that the Captain was hit several
times but still standing (health reduced to d6) and Ankh, using her mystical
powers made every health check!
During the recovery phase, Dame Hilda self-administered a
hypodermic full of anti-curare serum (which she always carried in her handbag)
and managed to stagger back to her feet. The indomitable Gussie Finknottle
pulled himself upright bleeding from two wounds and prepared to re-join the fray.
Otto was not so lucky. With no one on hand to suck out the snake venom he
succumbed to the poison and was out of the game.
Seldum and Gussie were slogging it out over the crates
containing the stolen rocket pack. Otto was apparently dead and Dame Hilda was
trying to recover her wits. This left a furious gun fight on the temple itself
whilst Mustapha, dodging bullets was now about to try and pry the Eye of the
Buddha out of its socket.
The secret rocket base is now under construction! Every megalomaniac should have a secret rocket base. I am making the first board in three modules (for ease of painting), although eventually they will all be joined together. The basis of the modules is some old polystyrene packing from my new chop saw. Later on there will be V2s, V1s and lots of guards for my Pulp Alley leagues to evade!
Professor Ricky T. Bridge F.R.S. and Doctor Cholmondley-Warner C.D.M. pose for a photograph at the start of their expedition to Hamunaptra in 1924. They are accompanied by their faithful bearer Euan Huzarmi. Let's hope the expedition truck will stand up to the journey!